Beaver Shot.

Posted in Beasts, Ha ha!, Hmmm with tags , , , on May 28, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

I mean, if you had a flash beaver like this, you’d want to show it off to the neighbourhood wouldnt you?

 

willybeaver

Anata no Eigo sensei wa Marvellous desu ka?

Posted in controlling the masses, off and on the rails with tags , , , , on May 20, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

Who wouldve thought that a Japanese English language school would have miniature versions of John Campbell teaching madly away in the depths of suburban Tokyo?

Now hows that? A little spooky, but kind of marvellous at the same time.

Ah Japan. Even in a porcine tainted world financialmageddon, they still kick out the jams with a stylin’ PocketCampbell.

Be prepared desu.

Posted in Hmmm, This place needs more... with tags , , on May 19, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

Yesterday, Japan’s first swine flu case (in Osaka) was announced on the morning news.

So my mother in law wasted no time in gettin’ to the mask store…

I dunno. I think we need more…

& where is the black one with the skulls? For me? Oh right. I get it. Kuso baba!

For your own peace of mind…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 13, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

Happy Inu Year!

Posted in Bah. Winter., Beasts, shoppin' jp with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

I know. Puns are rubbish. And it is most certainly not Year of the Dog. And we are over a month into 2009. What hey!

2009 dawned cold (unsurprising, given the whole middle of winter thing) and clear, which happens a lot here and is much appreciated by myself. Shochu for breakfast (again, appreciated, etc) and a stroll to the Shinto shrine at the end of the street was the first plan of the year…

Others seemed to have the same idea. Fortunately for us all, the shrine was right where it had been last year. The vaunted Japanese efficiency comes up trumps again!

My atama may have been a little itai, but the sky was blue, the air was fresh, apart from the smoke from the fires lit to give elderley men a place to stand, and I was heading for my first dose of Shinto sake.

The first inu of the year is a corgi! Smashing.

The people on the left are attending a small shrine where you throw in a coin (usually a “lucky” 5 yen piece) and say a little prayer wishing for good stuff, like health, prosperity and a slightly more efficient family than last year.

My father in law (the taller one to the left) was highly amused by the antics of the small fellow, who in turn seemed quite entranced by the movements of the chap carrying the skateboard.

The main shrine up yonder was holding Shinto New Year services, where you could also go through the coin/health/efficient family ritual. As we did.

Light the fire, the old blokes will arrive. Actually, slightly off the subject of New Years Day, today we were discussing the geriatric aspects of driving a Honda Fit and surmised that to fit the Fit, as it were, I would perhaps need an old bloke hat (although the Fit has no parcel shelf to display said hat as a warning of slow, yet erratic maneuvering to the line of traffic following behind), a pipe and a tweed jacket, possibly patched at the elbow. In the interests of New Year efficiency (the 5 yen worked!) I have decided to settle for a tweed hat (unpatched) and shaking my fist at pidgeons. Even shook at a few pidgeons this afternoon. Quite a lark. Although I couldnt find any larks to threaten. I did however stare balefully at a crow. Because codgeritis hasnt consumed me fully, I can remember what I was on about before, so back to January 01.

You wouldnt believe how many Honda Fit owners I had to elbow aside to get this close to the fire. Shouldve brought along some pidgeons to distract them…

Inu Nichi! I wouldve thought that this fellow was much more worthy of entering a shrine than a corgi, but Im no expert. I cant really even intimidate a pidgeon…

Enough of this tradition madness – there are more dogs to greet and a mall to loiter at!

This is Yuzu-chan. She lives on the way to Glandbelly Mall.  A little pungent, but always good to catch up.

If you squint your eyes just so, you’ll look a bit strange. Also, you might notice that there is a Ferrari F40 behind the white thing. F40 lives across the road from Yuzu-chan.

Since you were wondering about what other cars we saw on the way to the mall, here is a Lotus Exige making all kinds of racket on the way to Minami Machida railway station. Almost at the mall now!

Turning to face the other way, there’s a New Year’s glimpse of Fuji San. Aki Mashite Cobber! I know, you want to get to the mall. Those two look like they have already been. Meh. We aint goin’ to shop yo. We goin’ to loiter.

Crickey. Another corgi. Wearing a Mickey Mouse coat.

Dork.

That’s better. A real dog. That pushchair thing in the background is not for a small child. In there is a pathetic excuse for an inu which most certainly is not keepin’ it real. Homies.

It was a pooch-o-rama on these here stairs. I tried to capture both with me soul stealer, but ended up failing with both. Pretty cool how the front one casts a tail shadow that looks like a palm tree. Not sure how many parties that trick would work at, but worth a try.

It seemed that several others shared our mall idea. Some even came without dogs. Madness.

Holmes here didnt even have a dog, but that didnt stop him. No Sir.

I guess a canine kimono has to be better than a pouffy little Mickey Mouse jacket.

You can’t see my dog because I put it in this bag! Watch me lift it above my head, because I’m quite strong!

This may be the dog version of a pink muscle shirt. Go the Rabbitohs!

Oh bloody hell. Some things you should just leave at home.

Almost Taiko Time!

Sure the photo is blurry. But you takes what you gets when you snap the Poodle of Darkness.

Oh yes. It’s Taiko Time!

I hadnt begun my pidgeon threatening campaign at this stage, so these two were safe for now…

This dude strode up and down the line of patronage, menacing the young and elderley alike with his manic drum beating and wildy contorting facial expressions.

Then he was joined by a tomodachi. No-one in the crowd was safe. Unless, perhaps, they were equipped with inu… Surely not?

Why not start the year with an ’80’s suburban cowperson revival? I could think of a few reasons, but why not follow your dreams. It’s winter, after all.

My guess is that little Fido here had left an unchi on the tatami and was being made to wear the Flouncey Blouse of Shame as a punishment.

I wanted to finish with this bit of awesomeness. Definitely less owls than pooches, in fact this seemed to be the only one at the mall.

Hoot!

Heh. Japan…

Posted in Ha ha! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

Fuji TV commit many crimes against those who are daft enough to watch. One show, Hexagon, is explained to a certain extent here, which makes me feel better, as I was wondering if I was being a little sniffy in finding some Japanese TV, well… crap.

This evening on

the culprit

the culprit

 

Hexagon, the fey looking clown in the middle of the DVD cover image was asked what the national bird of New Zealand was. He guessed the Chicken.

sizzle

sizzle

 

Ok. Mebbe. The question was then passed to the floor (ie. tarento – a scourge unto themselves), so the next offering was the

really?

really?

 

Penguin. So they seem to have called in the geographic brains trust for the final attempt and came up with the

if you cant sing, whistle

if you cant sing, whistle

Duck. Ive chosen the Black Bellied Whistling Duck for the photo because you would really, wouldnt you.

None of the Mastermind panel could get there, so they moved on to new challenges. Which leads me to wonder, given what we found in the local “Australian” Family Feedbag

where they might reckon lil’ holmes here might come from?

And… what would NZers prefer to be known as in Japan: Chickens, Penguins or Ducks?

Shame theres no bird known as a Manus. Although Dotterel is pretty kool. And Kokako is fun to say when youve been screen printing sheets of vinyl stickers in six hour stints in the middle of summer. Not that printing ink damages the brain at all. Ffffftt fffffttt drainpipe mashup.

Mmmm… Festive…

Posted in Bah. Winter., purdy, shoppin' jp with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2009 by pigsofdarkness

Given that we are now about half way through January, it is about time to post our Xmas day gaddings about. As Japan doesnt shut itself down for Xmas, I forwent my usual fizzy wine breakfast and jitensha’d my way into downtown Machida for a Nihongo lesson in the morning. In fact, I didnt touch any squiffy juice until after the sun departed these shores. Fortunately, being winter, that was before 5pm.

Our first port of call was Jiyugaoka. In the name of information sharing, I can tell you that Jiyogaoka was voted Tokyo’s most desirable neighbourhood, or, if you would prefer, “the most want-to-live city in Japan”, in 2008 (now get this!) by residents! Given that it is a totemo takai area to live, even by Tokyo standards, it is probably not surprising that the residents didnt vote it “most sucky suck of all sucks” or anything along those unfavourable lines. And it is very nice. I would live there. Sadly, I may never be that full of yen.

I still hadnt had any cake for Xmas (not that awful Brit style fruit rubbish – any cake goes here – Im partial to chocolate with whiskey…) and when Xmas day finished, still hadnt. I seem to have recovered quite well, all things considered. I really wanted to alter on the sign in the shop so it read “Sweet – Christmas”, but the missus is trying to keep my acts of public vandalism to a minimum. Next time maybe.

What a bitchin’ name for a hair salon! No time for an Eyelush treatment.

As I am a quick adaptor, it only took me about two hours to not have a funny turn each time a train rushed overhead. Others did seem more at ease.

Like this guy.

Hello Kitty! Ok – sorry about that. This was so cool – this area was seriously loud, & busy, with trains roaring past about a metre away from Felix here, but he (or she) wasnt bothered – more intent on giving PhotoOpportunity Boy the evils. In hindsight Puss was quite likely profoundly deaf. Urban Grittiness!

To quote the illuminated sign: “The way that a ball this store. Love a ball is, this store. Love a ball is, ORIENTAL PASSAGE”. So now you know.

If you consider the location, the street value of this tag is probably quite high. And that is an utterly nonsensical statement made because I’d posted a few too many photos without a caption. Check out how clean the area below is. Not even a cigarette butt, which is pretty flash given the amount of fag puffery going on in this land.

Lincoln Continental perchance?

To pilot a barge this size around streets this narrow you’d probably need some sort of guide boat. Later I even saw a Hummer H1, but was too appalled to take a photo. I mean really. The ridiculus girth of the Lincoln is more acceptable due to it being the automotive eqivalent of a porno soundtrack. A Hummer H1 is more of a Kid Rock ballad about an attractive teenaged cousin. Not that Im suggesting that Kid Rock has recorded such a ballad, simply trying to paint a picture, you understand. Word.

After such unholy musings, I figured that we needed a shrine. This was directly around the corner from the Lincoln. Ahhh… contrasts…

Apparently Top Gear has a retail outlet here, selling used watches. Who knew?

I cant confirm that the lower one on the left is Richard Hammond’s tag, but lets just assume that it is.

I saw these lighters and thought to myself “Surely not…”…

Surely does! Feel the heat from my twin nostril fires! Can you do any less? I havent uttered this is a blog before, but, Radness.

This place was cool’n all, but probably needed more bikes…

Watch out Xmas tree! There’s bamboo behind you!

Eventually the sun said “Screw you hippies!” and sodded off to China. And beyond. Cor blimey – theres another train.

And another.

This one was quite high & next to a skateshop, so must be Jeremy Clarkson’s tag.

Im not sure if this is a sign, or a statue, or a sculpture or whatever else, but when we first saw it, the boob thing on top was red. We waited for several minutes for it to turn red again, but nope.

So had to settle for blue, which was a poor substitute, but places to go, wine to drink…

This here crafty shopkeep had managed to trap a Microbus. Almost better than a Jeremy Clarkson tag.

‘Lil Bow Wow here had been howling up a storm and attracting quite a crowd, but as soon as I whipped out me pointy shooter, found something of great interest in the gutter. Meh.

My favourites were the golden Xmas horse and the earthy Maid Marion-esque Santa costume.

This street was very busy with people, but somehow Ive managed to not show that at all. Guess that’s what comes from lurking in the fruit baskets.

We found Castle Greyskull, but there was no sign of He-Man. Perhaps he was away lurking in some fruit baskets…

The widest street was right outside the railway station. Helps the taxi drivers perfect their mad dorifto skills.

Stop ni was Futako Tamagawa. And isnt that the Takashimaya department store? Why yes. Yes it is.

No time for manipulating silver balls – time for my Xmas drunkening…

We did go into Chanel. I think they were jealous of my Bad Brains t shirt.

Ha ha! Seahorse knobs!

This cool roof garden was part of a restaurant aimed at people far richer than us. I took special care not to fall in the pond.

Several other people chose to take the same train as we did. I guess they were all pleased that I hadnt fallen in the pond.

We found this at the Australian themed restaurant at Gland Belly that we stopped at for a beer on the way home. We were punished for visiting an Ocker caff by having to wait 20 minutes for a seat at the bar(!), then ended up with a booth. The waitress had heard me say “Sweet as”, so asked me where I was from. Turns out she had spent six months in Carterton on a school exchange. We both agreed that the stay was about 5 and a half months too long.

Thats fine, but what if you were playing Knifey Spooney?

xmaswilly